Four Fingered Hands of Fate

Fate draws us into the firm clasp of the future, as, day after day, week by week we become the men we will be, and find the devices that change us into the person who can then look back on what we were, what we are now.


My current roommate, Brian, who was nice enough to invite me to this neck of the woods at exactly the same time i was looking to get out of Mexico, has just recently become a rock star.


Alright, so he isnt really a star, at least not yet, and as he is a bassist, im not sure how much rocking he is actually doing in those three note ditties i always hear him practicing, but the effort is still there, and im sure you could say he is living the dream. I wont, of course, but i cant really stop you, can i? The band is called The Sammus Theory if you want to check it out, or feel free to catch them on Last Call with Carson Daly on April 18th,

I think Daly is still on NBC, i honestly had no idea that particular show hadnt died off years ago, so im sure you know more than me.
TV is Teh Suck.

One of the prerequisites for being a rock star is that you own musical instruments, which you know how to play. I also think that is the only prerequisite there is to becoming a rock star, now that i think about it, though im sure the choice of instrument does limit your options. (not alot of heavy metal jaw-harpists so far) Brian has long succeeded in both reguards, being a decent guitar player (and by default, a much better than average bass player) and having a remarkable collection of interesting guitars, basses, and midisynth electro-babble. Unfortunately, this is not that kind of band i guess. Did i mention the three notes? Not that its bad, its not, it just doesnt yet require a superaxe with a thousand dollar synth. So Brian, a few weeks ago, sold his super nice looking shiny blue "Im the most strings you can reasonably fit on a bass" guitar, and is now looking at picking up a regular old four string.

Tonight, as chance would have it, he asked me along to peruse the guitar store with him, and i accepted. I was surprised that we went to the store that was so far away from the house, but it turns out another member of the band has an "in" at the not so close store, and so, with the name of the manager in hand, in the interest of a possibly smoking deal, we checked out all the regular ibanez, shecter, and fender basses in a variety of shapes and colours. none particularly suited him, so we wandered aimlessly looking at things we either didnt want (stonewashed guitars) or couldnt afford. (10k, and its way prettier than your car)






Thats when we saw IT.







Hanging up like some tethered demon artifact from the future, was the strangest, most powerful bass i have ever seen.

Closer examination revealed the source of these powers.

Sitting before us, hidden in a darkened corner behind one of the clerk counters was a five string monster with a scalloped fretboard over a double trussed neck with a full length concave thumb groove running the length of its full neck through body design

Aluminum fingerboard inlays accented the edge design, combined with a multi-wood layering on the recessed body. The body had been shaved down to a remarkable thinness and then built back up in some demonic, but ergonomic, shape.

All this culminated in the wood inlay imagery on the reverse, laminate neck exploding into a japanese sun type motif. (or arizona flag, or exploding splinters, you decide, thats why there are pictures, and not just my shitty description)

Once it was plugged in, it immediately spewed forth its demonic force in a deep and sharply overdriven growl. The thing was just made to be distorted, it seems, and had a very powerful tone.

It seems this is a custom job from someone called Rhino Customs, traded in by a former employee, who bought it used from another guitar store or something like that, and it was nothing less than impressive. This is the kind of guitar that separates the men from the boys, the type of bass that shakes loose all the bad apples and blows away every sort of pretense as it proceeds to rock you to the core. This is the axe that makes rockstars and legends, The Red Violin of the electric age, you could just tell that it had endless stories it wasnt willing to share, a dark history you wouldnt want to hear. It was the four string Devils Trumpet, the musical version of Prince Adam's Sword of Power rolled into the personality of a Battle Cat. This was the kind of guitar no one ever forgets, and everyone wants.

So? did he buy it? Did he buy the single greatest guitar ever made, that had been placed just within his reach by a remarkable chain of events and chance?

Nah...

He said it was the price tag, (almost 2,000$) but honestly, i think he was a little afraid. Maybe he isnt sure of himself, maybe he isnt sure if he really wants to stand out from the crowd, maybe he isnt ready to seize his destiny and become the legend that fate, in all of its chains of circumstance, demands of him. 2k isnt alot for a custom guitar, and less than he has spent on lesser things in life than perfection, and im pretty sure, this wooden idol was indeed perfect. He said he will think about it, and if you think he should indeed man up, you should email him at iamunsung%hotmail and tell him so. We all know that when you walk out of the store, the odds of ever going back for that item are next to zero, so i think perhaps fate will have to find a new champion, a hero for its new golden age...

I, myself, hope it does.

And me, you might ask, why didnt i buy it? While its true i did once play a bit o bass, that was years ago and i never really wanted to be a rockstar. To tell you the truth, i always thought rockstars were all pussys when it came down to it.

I guess this proves it. ;)

Run on, fist of fate, and may you soon find the heart of those willing to accept either your designs or your opportunities.